Having fallen into apathetic routine was inevitable knowing my past history. Stumbling forwards and sometimes backwards through widowhood has stretched my resolve to breaking point, at times, and worse than feeling ready to break, it also brings a deep sense of apathy more often than I would like. Add to that the aging process which brings it's own threats and one can feel like one is under siege.
I don't like the sense of being a victim that creeps into my mind at regular intervals. I won't accept it. I know not from whence it comes. But, I know it stalks me. I reject it, yet the unease as it cloaks me in for a moment or two is both uncomfortable and unsettling. Although rejected it still leaves a haunting question mark in my sense of peace.
I celebrate widows everywhere who struggle as I do, to find a meaningful life in being the one left behind, the survivor. No easy task, but one filled with challenges, discoveries, tears of both joy and sorrow.
Life is but a series of letting go......and perhaps that is the biggest lesson of all.
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